The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
dude. I can hear the air.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
