i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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