Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
