Screwed.edu
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
