anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
