Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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