Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
