: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
