I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
