you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
