Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
