There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Randomize
