everyone is single if you try hard enough
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
