He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
