so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
