we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
