I puked a lego.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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