i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just cropdusted the office
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
