what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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