I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
where does the pee come out of this thing
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
