Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
