i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
