I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
where does the pee come out of this thing
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
