Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
