I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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