you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
