meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
