well you can't waste a boner
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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