I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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