Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
