trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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