Welp...herpes.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
