I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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