Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
