you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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