I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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