Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize