So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
