we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize