I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Randomize
