How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
