I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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