she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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