I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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