Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
