Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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