is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
