Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize