I'm eating all of the evidence.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
