Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
