As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
