so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
