just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Rumble strips road head = magical
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
