So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Randomize
