my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
