ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
40s are totally the cure
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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