if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
