Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
