my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
