He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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