so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Randomize
