I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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