just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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