im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
