My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
