I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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