my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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