How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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