remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
