Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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