He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Who died my cat blue again?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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