I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
